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Puppy Pilgrimage Part 1 (Wang Wauk)

December 8, 2009 3 comments

WordPress’ home page is snowing.  That would be mildly amusing if Sydney didn’t just endure a 36 degree Celsius day.  Fuck you, WordPress.  Anyway.

Last week, The Cub and I drove up to Coffs Harbour to pick up a puppy for Jerkface and Debris.  Already dubbed ROFLCopter, we had found this gorgeous Australian Bulldog through the RSPCA’s Adopt-A-Pet website the week before.  Leaving home at 7pm, we gunned it in the hopes of reaching Nelson Bay by about 11pm and sleeping in the car.  A reasonable estimate, we left home happy and excited.

Unfortunately, I had an incident the night before where I had something stuck in my eyeball but was far too lazy to go to the bathroom and fish it out, so chose instead to lay on my side holding my eyelid open and blowing air into it.  Subsequently, I fell asleep with my head tucked awkwardly into my neck and woke up wonky and pained with a stiff neck and, funnily enough, highly irritable with a tendency to emotional outbursts with little provocation.  By emotional outbursts, I mostly mean urges to eat everything in the car / sing / laugh maniacally. 

With long and alternating stretches of pitch-black darkness, dense forest, and abandoned farming acreage separated by well-lit rest-stops, we decided as soon as we saw the signs to stop at one particular rest stop named Wang Wauk.  Giggling like two schoolgirls and delirious on the verge of microsleep, we were wired when we pulled in to stop at Wang Wauk. 

Wang Wauk. 

Big LOLs. 

Big mistake. 

Big DOOM. 

Firstly, Wang Wauk was a sharp and poorly lit hairpin into an incredibly narrow dirt road in the middle of a gigantic forest, not unlike Belangelow State Forest.  You know the one, with the Backpacker Killer, Ivan Milat?  Easy to murder people when you’re in the middle of fucking nowhere. 

Secondly, the toilets were… actually, they were okay for rest-stop standard.  Unfortunately, being the only source of light for the entire rest-stop, it was teeming with glittery-but-deafeningly loud Christmas Beetles, monstrous cicadas, wombats gurgling/screaming  whilst getting their sex on in the dark, and possums freaking out in the trees. 

The Cub endured kamikaze Christmas Beetles flying at his flesh during his turn in the toilet, and I could well have peed the quickest I had ever peed in my entire life at Wang Wauk.  I wish I had an in with someone at Guinness World Records to pwn at least one of those records.  What would a record holder like that get?  I sure hope it’s not something like a frosted Batman mug, because that would be awesome and I’ll have missed out.

Surprisingly, there were two other cars, one van, and one campervan resting at Wang Wauk with us.  One guy even wandered around trying to coax out the feral fauna with something that looked like a TeeVee Snack.  Very aware that someone hanging out at Wang Wauk for any given period of time could well have tendencies to murder, we managed a very uncomfortable 20 minute nap before we flew out of there. 

About as well-rested as we were going to get for the night, we drove on with a new plan to find a motel in Port Macquarie

Categories: Fun