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Loneliness and desensitisation

July 23, 2010 1 comment

The Cub has had back-to-back shows these last couple of weeks, it’s been almost like living with a boarder.  Well, not really.  Not at all, now that I think about it.  He’s marvellous, don’t get me wrong.  We’ve been heading to work together most mornings and he has been home every night but the quality time has been really sluggish from both sides.  It’s par for the course and after this weekend, it will pass and we won’t have to worry about shows until April next year.  It’s been a time to reflect, steal his clothes to wear as layers to work, as well as a wonderful time to over-eat without the guilt.  I have discovered a sweet-tooth secondary to work stress, joy of joys.  Mostly at night after The Kid’s in bed, it’s lonely.  Just a bit.

With a house that could well be tidied (it’s Friday night, c’mon!), I was reminded me of a hobby I was intending to take up but forgot about, what with bills and fees coming out of, well, everywhere.  I was going to collect all the R-rated movies I could, watch them, and slowly desensitize myself to the apparent horrors of (un)reality as shown on film.  To what end, I don’t quite know. Other than an empty wallet.

I was reminded because, commenting flippantly with a reference to Laddergoat on a friend’s Facebook profile, a friend of his (who I did not know before tonight) messaged me to talk about gaming and has since evolved into film.  Tonight, he’s watching The Woodsman and his high recommendation (a film buff with over 2000 in his possession, apparently) is Martyrs.  He seems okay for the Internet.  Hey, it’s not MySpace and I’m not 14 years of age.

Edit:  Just looked up the review for Martyrs.  Yikes!  I am genuinely intrigued. Check it out!

Movies I’ve been planning on acquiring have varied genres and topics and I have been motivated almost solely on the R-rating on the spine of the cover.   As it stands, my personal collection is pretty rad and heavily R-rated but I must embiggen it further! 

Buy me this book plskthx.

My biggest challenge has been finding a copy of the book “Christiane F. – Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo” and then watching the film.  The film isn’t hard to find, it’s in the World Movies section of Borders… which is owned by Hillsong Church?  Or is that Gloria Jeans Coffee they own?  Either way, I’m still astounded at the amount of gay comedy porn available in their range a stone’s throw away from the children’s book section.  Anyway, I was told by a couple of second-hand bookstore owners that Christiane F., while they remember vividly as a strong and stay-with-you-forever story, never have it in stock.  Apparently, it was banned from publishing here in Australia and eBay is my best bet but to set aside some money and patience to fight for a copy.  Balls to that, even if books > film adaptations.

Other movies include Viva La Muerte (I’ve yet to build the gumption to watch real animal slaughter.  Apocalpyse Now doesn’t count, I didn’t realise the first time I watched that the caribou was really slaughtered for the movie), Insomnia, Breaking The Waves, My Life As A Dog, Sympathy For Mr Vengeance, Sukiyaki Western Django, Shogun Assassin, Law Of Desire, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, Lady Snowblood, Kika, I Will Walk Like A Crazy Horse, 15, Eugenie De Sade, La Sconosciuta, Le Souffle Au Coeur, Freeway, London To Brighton and Descent. 

I figure that everyday life is horrific enough.  I’ll let you know if I find any of the ones that I’ve struggled to find and same if come across anything truly shocking.  I think my threshold is pretty high and my only fear (except horror – I can’t do horror!) that seems to translate easily enough on film is spiritual emptiness, a complete and convincing lack of empathy, and anything to do with personal void.  And the infinite nature of space.  God damn you, 2001: A Space Odyssey!

Ratings aside, are there any obscure movies you’d care to share here and why are they worth watching?  Any terrible movies you’d like to suggest?  Don’t worry about Guest House Paradiso or Drop Dead Fred, I’m well aware of their supreme awfulness.  Give me a diversion, lest this personal thesis get weird.

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Oh hey, you’re okay.

July 12, 2010 1 comment

I’ve been checking out some blogs here on WordPress and aside from the hate mongering that seems to be prevalent (woo, Freedom of Speech!), there are some pretty impressive bloggers out there.  I would link but I’ve only really been peeking so I’ve no real right in linking at this point.  There are so many categories and sub-categories that people tag their posts in so I’m going to be completely general and list the ones I have seen frequently.

It’s good to see that the bleeding hearts-type blogs are still around.  Make-ups, break-ups, malicious intent and sobbing into the keyboard surrounded by the what-if crap of dreams gone bad.  Girlfriends cheating on boyfriends who are cheating on their wives who are paying personal investigators who post the clips on YouTube without the clients knowing.  You know I’ve been there, done that.  Well not to that extent, but you know, the over-personal dash.  Sometimes I wonder why I bothered at all as it’s largely served to bolster my ever-increasing anxiety and insecurity about my writing.  I don’t really know where this blog is going to go these days so I’ll settle for idle musing for now.  And observation.  I like to watch.  I like to watch you bleed, mwuahahaha!

There are those who write about my third or fourth love, food.  Few have been exceptional where either their cooking skills, photography skills or a clever combination of both have rivalled those in popular cookbooks.  Some have been flat-out catastrophic but hilarious, photos of goals and photos of actual “finished” dishes resembling more of a Pro Hart vomitus than anything intended.  Most would put Cake Wrecks to shame.  I’m secretly envious of their courage to post such horrible foodstuffs online and put their name to it, a part of me secretly wants to try their food, and a larger part of me wants them to try again and get it right for the glory of faceless textual applause.

There’s plenty of the self-righteous religious right which seems to ignore the separation of Church and State and ties in fluidly with the aforementioned racist blogs, thinly veiled as disgust at the current Obama administration.  It’s not worth mentioning really, as it only gives credence to unfunny irrational thought.

There are those who seem to have a special interest topic and brood disturbingly over them.   Murderers, knitting and pets seem to be popular subjects here.  Commenting feels intrusive.  So does heavy mouth breathing.  I limit both whilst reading these types of blogs.

Finally, there are the people who love to rant.  I miss ranting, but I feel I don’t have the energy for a flat-out ragefest anymore.  Is that sad?  A part of me misses hating everything but there’s a nicer new part that enjoys the little things.  Having said that, there are a lot of jerks out there.  Some of them are funny and share their fury online in blog form.  Some of them are the ones who have breathless, veiny, high blood-pressure-y nonsensical diatribes about them. 

Keep writing, guys.  I’ll try to, too.  Your vitriol and enthusiasm make my day.